Good Friday is marked as a holiday on the calendar. But in the deeper meaning of life, it is never just one day and neither the holiday
Good Friday – The Collapse
You begin to question yourself:
This is your journey of the cross.
And it is not easy.
And in this place, it is easy to lose trust in your own perception. You may feel like you are losing your mind. A deep, almost existential fear can arise—as if something inside you is ending. Your thoughts may become overwhelming, even catastrophic…and you may become afraid to listen to them.
This is what a spiritual crisis may feel like.
In that moment, it feels like the end. But in truth, it is the beginning.
The In-Between – Silence and the Void
I have come to understand Good Friday not only as a symbol, but as a state. Something that does not last only one day…but can stretch into weeks, months, or even years.
It is not only the story of Jesus Christ being crucified- It is the story of a human being who reaches a point where their former life is left behind—and there is no way back.
Between those two, there is a kind of abyss.
I remember one such moment in my life very clearly. I was in the middle of a storm of events—not observing from the outside, but fully inside it. And then it came. A moment that was not loud or dramatic. It was quiet… but completely clear- inner awakening: “I cannot continue like this anymore. Either I give up completely…or I learn how to live again.”
Bankruptcy was one visible part of that process. In the Estonian cultural and economic context, it is often stigmatized and dismissed—as if it defines you as unreliable or somehow flawed. People and institutions see the weakness, but they do not see the strength that is born through such a process.
Outwardly, life was breaking apart…but inwardly, something deeper was breaking—my identity.
The knowing of who I had believed myself to be for years - How to act, how to decide, how to carry responsibility. I had been used to create, hold and lead but suddenly… none of it carried the same meaning.
That was my cross. But the cross was not a punishment.
It is the moment when life finally stops you—because your soul wants to awaken and leave behind the burdens you have been carrying, even when you already knew your strength was running out.
You can try to keep going, solving, controlling…but something inside you no longer follows.
And the question arises:
"Who am I, if I am no longer who I thought I was?"
Transformation begins - A turning point- Arise as new and LIFE itself becomes your teacher beside the spiritual coach who is essential while you are in the process…i wish I could have one…, but It gave me the strength to really discover what it really is how it affects and how to clime up from the lowest and stay beside yourself while never abandon again!
Resurrection – A Different Kind of Life
- in how you respond instead of react
- in how your body begins to feel safer
- in how clarity replaces constant doubt
- in how you no longer need the same external confirmation to know who you are
You begin to live differently.
Not because everything is solved—but because something within you has changed.
There is more space.
More trust.
More presence.
Returning to the Beginning – Consciously Living the Process together with my family
In December 2023, when we moved to Italy as a family, that same feeling returned—only in a new form. And yes it whispered long before we actually took a step forward- but eventually that was choice!
The truth is, this process is not over. It hasn’t been fully integrated or completed.
We are still in it—living it, embodying it, and learning, step by step, how to live, how to be, and how to act from within it.
And yes… at times, it feels like chaos!
The Quiet Becoming
And yet… something within knows this is not a mistake. This is transition. Not the beautiful, inspirational version that is often shared. But the real one. Where you are not yet the “new you, where you have been arisen from the ashes ” but you are no longer the old one either.
And in this in-between space… where we actively are learning.
It is not easy.
There are moments when I want to withdraw…or prove that I am more.
But perhaps for the first time in my life, I am not trying to escape this state.
Because somewhere deep within, there is trust that even in this awkwardness, helplessness, and invisibility a new life is already forming—still searching for its shape.
This is the part that is spoken about the least—the time between the cross and resurrection. Because it is so vulnerable, so sacred, so difficult to grasp…and at the same time, so quiet.
Psychologically, it is a transition zone. The nervous system is learning to adapt to a new reality.
Spiritually, it is emptiness—and vastness at the same time. And often, it can feel meaningless.
“I cannot do this anymore. What is the point of all this?”
But if you look deeper, this is a reconfiguration. Because when you are inside the egg, the cracking feels like destruction. But in truth, it is the only way life can continue.
The shell was never the enemy. It was protection during the evolution. It simply becomes too small.
And slowly… something begins to change.
You no longer react to everything the same way. You no longer feel the need to explain yourself. You stop searching for validation.
And most importantly—you begin to trust what you feel, even when no one else reflects it back to you.
This is resurrection. Not as an event—but as a state.
If something in your life or within you is breaking right now…perhaps you are not lost.
Perhaps you are exactly at the place where the shell is beginning to open. And even if it feels like a cross you can no longer carry, there is already a light waiting for its moment to break through and lift you.
Wishing you a colourful, peaceful and meaningful Easter time with yourself and your loved ones!
