From Good Friday to the Resurrection as from a perspective of ones Soul Journey

Good Friday is marked as a holiday on the calendar. But in the deeper meaning of life, it is never just one day and neither the holiday

It is a state that does not ask whether you are ready.

It simply arrives…and brings with it silence, heaviness, and a depth that is difficult to fully put into words—because for each person, it is a deeply personal and unique experience.

And if you have lived through it, you will recognize it.

Good Friday, the silence that follows, and Easter are not only a religious story. They are an inner journey that almost every person touches at some point in their life—whether consciously or not.

Not outwardly on the cross, but within their inner world.

I have seen this pattern many times—through my work as a therapist,

but even more deeply in my own life.

Good Friday – The Collapse

There are periods when you are not understood.

When your choices are questioned, and even your mental or emotional state is doubted.

And perhaps the most painful part is this—your experience is minimized or misinterpreted, especially by those from whom you expected understanding the most.

If you are sensitive, aware, and inwardly open, this does not stay on the surface. It is not something you can simply “get over.” It enters your nervous system, your body, and your identity. This means it is no longer just a thought like “I am struggling” or “someone didn’t understand me.” It becomes something you experience with your whole being.

You begin to question yourself:

“Am I wrong?”

“Am I too much?”

“Or not enough?”

Psychologically, this is the moment when the old structure of identity begins to break down. The roles you have relied on no longer hold. External reflections no longer confirm you— people around you no longer respond the way you are used to. They do not see you the same way. They do not meet you in the same way. And without that mirror, uncertainty arises within you. This can feel both liberating… and deeply destabilizing. Because now the question is no longer:

“How am I seen?” but: “Who am I, if no one reflects it back to me anymore?”

In spiritual language, this is the awakening of the soul and the beginning of the search. A loss of control.  A call into deeper contact with something that can no longer be managed by the mind.

This is your journey of the cross.

And it is not easy.

It is a series of life events that bring you to a place where you can no longer be who you once were. Not because you do not want to…but because it simply no longer works.

And in this place, it is easy to lose trust in your own perception. You may feel like you are losing your mind. A deep, almost existential fear can arise—as if something inside you is ending. Your thoughts may become overwhelming, even catastrophic…and you may become afraid to listen to them.

This is what a spiritual crisis may feel like.

In that moment, it feels like the end. But in truth, it is the beginning.

The In-Between – Silence and the Void

I have come to understand Good Friday not only as a symbol, but as a state. Something that does not last only one day…but can stretch into weeks, months, or even years.

It is not only the story of Jesus Christ being crucified- It is the story of a human being who reaches a point where their former life is left behind—and there is no way back.

Between those two, there is a kind of abyss.

I remember one such moment in my life very clearly. I was in the middle of a storm of events—not observing from the outside, but fully inside it. And then it came. A moment that was not loud or dramatic. It was quiet… but completely clear- inner awakening: “I cannot continue like this anymore. Either I give up completely…or I learn how to live again.”

Bankruptcy was one visible part of that process. In the Estonian cultural and economic context, it is often stigmatized and dismissed—as if it defines you as unreliable or somehow flawed. People and institutions see the weakness, but they do not see the strength that is born through such a process.

Outwardly, life was breaking apart…but inwardly, something deeper was breaking—my identity.

The knowing of who I had believed myself to be for years. How to act. How to decide. How to carry responsibility. I had been used to create, hold and lead but suddenly… none of it carried the same meaning.

I did not only lose something external. I lost the ways I had learned to know and experience myself—

or perhaps more truthfully, the ways I had learned not to.

That was my cross. But the cross was not a punishment.

It is the moment when life finally stops you—because your soul wants to awaken and leave behind the burdens you have been carrying, even when you already knew your strength was running out.

You can try to keep going, solving, controlling…but something inside you no longer follows.

Transformation begins. A turning point. Life itself becomes your teacher.

And the question arises:

"Who am I, if I am no longer who I thought I was?"

Returning to the Beginning – Consciously Living the Process 

Fast forward ten years… and back to the beginning.

In December 2023, when we moved to Italy as a family, that same feeling returned. But in a different form. The honest truth is—this process is not over. We are not speaking about something that has already been completed or fully integrated. We are still living it. Embodying it. Learning how to live, to be, and to act within it.

Even though I knew we were stepping far outside our comfort zone, I did not expect it to feel like another journey of the cross.

This time, I am in conscious and not alone in the experience—we are in it as a family, each one moving through their own awakening, in their own time.

And yes… at times, it feels like chaos.

The Quiet Becoming – Resurrection

And yet… something within knows this is not a mistake. This is transition. Not the beautiful, inspirational version that is often shared. But the real one. Where you are not yet the “new you, where you have been arisen from the ashes ” but you are no longer the old one either.

And in this in-between space… where we actively are learning.

Learning to allow ourselves to be awkward.

Learning to not know.

Learning to make mistakes.

Learning to be unseen—without losing connection with ourselves.

It is not easy.

There are moments when I want to withdraw…or prove that I am more.

But perhaps for the first time in my life, I am not trying to escape this state.

Because somewhere deep within, there is trust that even in this awkwardness, helplessness, and invisibility a new life is already forming—still searching for its shape.

This is the part that is spoken about the least—the time between the cross and resurrection. Because it is so vulnerable, so sacred, so difficult to grasp…and at the same time, so quiet.

Psychologically, it is a transition zone. The nervous system is learning to adapt to a new reality.

Spiritually, it is emptiness—and vastness at the same time. And often, it can feel meaningless.

“I cannot do this anymore. What is the point of all this?”

But if you look deeper, this is a reconfiguration. Because when you are inside the egg, the cracking feels like destruction. But in truth, it is the only way life can continue.

The shell was never the enemy. It was protection. It simply becomes too small.

And slowly… something begins to change.

You no longer react to everything the same way. You no longer feel the need to explain yourself. You stop searching for validation.

And most importantly—you begin to trust what you feel, even when no one else reflects it back to you.

This is resurrection. Not as an event—but as a state.

If something in your life or within you is breaking right now…perhaps you are not lost.

Perhaps you are exactly at the place where the shell is beginning to open. And even if it feels like a cross you can no longer carry, there is already a light waiting for its moment to break through and lift you.

Wishing you a colourful, peaceful and meaningful Easter time!

With love,

Kristel 🤍